now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
