can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
