i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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