Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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