Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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