I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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