its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
