Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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