omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Randomize
