Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
