I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize