and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
