i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
