My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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