Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
