U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
