He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
