you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
