Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
People in love make me want to vomit
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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