omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
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You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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