So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
where does the pee come out of this thing
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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