I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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