I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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