think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
