Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
there was a trapeze. enough said
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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