i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
