Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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