I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
