Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
