Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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