I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
