Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
