My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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