We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
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I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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