My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
