i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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