but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
