first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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