You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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