Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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