Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
