Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
