Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
