This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
