but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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