I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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