sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
