Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
