He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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