Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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