I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
