Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
is this the sara with the beer cane?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
