You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
