You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
