Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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