TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
whose parrot is this?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
