Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
