I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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