One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
